Deserve is a word I hear a lot now-a-days, and one I’ve come to actively dislike. My theory is that it’s come into such common usage through self-help and core beliefs work. Core beliefs are little, simple things that we hold to be true at the centre of our being. Often they have been there since childhood. Most of the time we are unaware of them. Because of our unawareness they are often what drives self-sabotage and unhealthy behaviours. No surprise that for those on the path of personal growth or spiritual improvement core beliefs become a focus.
Of course, what they are can vary from person to person but there are some common ones that have negatives effects on those who hold them. I’m broken. I’m not enough. I’m not lovable. I don’t deserve good things/love/success etc… For many people the negative belief has to do with deserving. So to counter this other people have started to talk about what you do deserve. You deserve to see the reward of your hard work. You deserves love. You deserves happiness. Kind of like a poorly thought through cheer leading squad. They’re well meaning, but essentially superficial comments.
The problem with deserve is that it is a wholly and utterly judgemental word. If you behave in a way or are the sort of person who “deserves” love, then it is logical that you can behave or become the sort of person who does not deserve love. Someone from whom love can be taken away. This gives the person who tells you you “deserve” whatever, way too much power in your life. It’s rarely their decision.
Deserve also feeds into a poverty mindset. If you deserve love, but you don’t have it as you’d like it yet, maybe that’s because someone else has taken your fair share. How dare other people steal your love! What have they done to deserve that love! If you still don’t have it maybe your still inadequate, or they are just greedy!
When human beings get into that scarcity mindset they stop sharing, they become closed off, ego flourishes like bacteria in a petri dish and they people into themselves – they do the exact things that stop them getting whatever it is they want, love, happiness, success.
There is a better word to use, at least where love is concerned. Birthright. When born it is everyone’s birthright to be loved and cherished. If that is taken from you before you understand it, it is something you can find again, because it has always been yours. You can’t do anything that means another person can take it from you. Although you can make sure you make it as hard as possible for yourself. You can block it, abuse it, shame it, distance yourself from it, ignore it, and try to do the same to others – but if you chose to claim it, it will always be there patiently waiting for you. You are the only person standing in your way. It’s a typical human arrogance to think that we ourselves influence the ebb and flow of love in our lives. It just is. If you let it.